In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
