wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
