I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
