I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
