I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
