So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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