mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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