I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
