I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
