You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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