im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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