are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
