i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
