thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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