Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
