How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
