why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
