TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
