you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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