If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize