Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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