i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
