he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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