how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
