She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So apparently I’m into choking now
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