so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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