So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
