Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
