made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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