Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize