his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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