I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize