I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
