listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
