I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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