I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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