What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize