I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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