I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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