high people should be assigned attendants
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
