I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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