I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
