I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
