wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
