why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
