I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
