capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wear drunk well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
