Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
