I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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