im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
