Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
