Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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