i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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