yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
