Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
