Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
