I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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