Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize