best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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