Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
